Cheating Death

Morty has always loved water and never hesitates to jump right into streams, rivers, lakes and the ocean. I too have always gravitated to water and wasn't surprised when an Okanagan elder told me "water is your helper - it's where you feel safe". It seems fitting that we would be back on the coast now - it's where Morty is from and full of memories of his early adventurous years. We have been revisiting some of our fave places and ended up at Renfrew Park the other day. We lived close by there just before we left Vancouver for Toronto and walked among the cedars in the little gully almost every day. We also had one of the most terrifying experiences of my life there. There's a beautiful little stream that winds through the park and Morty always jumped in to cool off. Not usually a problem but the evening before we started our road trip to Toronto it was pouring and the quiet waterway was more like a raging torrent. Despite the rain and near darkness I had come determined to take a moment to say goodbye, lingering by the water. And Morty too it seemed wanted a last dip. He jumped in as usual but only moments passed before he was overcome by the current and swept downstream to the grate covering the culvert that leads underground and eventually to the ocean floor. Branches and leaves prevented him from going through the bars but his head was under water and although he was fighting hard he just kept going under. Not thinking and completely underestimating the strength of the current I too jumped in and was knocked off my feet in seconds. Unlike Morty I smashed through the brush and was being sucked through the grate, completely submerged with only my elbows keeping me from being swept away. I'll never forget the terror and surprise that overcame me - I wondered if Morty was still keeping his head up but couldn't even get mine above water to see. I felt panic overcome me - my cap was swept away and I thought no one will ever know where I went - my partner, friends coming to say goodbye and help finish packing for the movers .... my body just went cold and I pictured death by drowning. Then I remembered those words "the water is your helper" and everything slowed down, I had the most intense moment of clarity and just knew that above all I had to be calm: my elbows were still keeping me from being swept through the bars, the water was churning all around my head but I knew what I had to do. It was simple and easy: I gripped the bars with my hands and began to pull myself upwards. It was scary as it meant that now all of me was on the wrong side of the bars but as soon as I had got above the water level it became easier and I was able to swing my body up through and lay down on the bars. Morty was at my feet and I used them to hoist him onto my stomach. We just laid there it seemed for hours catching our breath as the water continued to rush by beneath us. Morty's eyes never left mine - he was totally calm, patient not moving a muscle and his trust was complete. He had absolutely no doubt that we were safe. I was going to save us. I still wasn't so sure, was afraid of losing my balance and Morty to the wrong side of the bars. I had no idea what to do next. Yelling and shouting for help proved useless as my voice was barely audible over the water and it was pouring rain - not lots of people out for a walk.... The thought of spending the night freezing on our precarious perch was too much so I decided that once we were rested we'd simply climb out and that's what we did. It it was just a matter of helping Morty scramble up the concrete wall and climbing out after him. Really just about overcoming fear and doing what needed to be done.
The past weeks I've tried to apply this lesson. When the vet called with the biopsy results and my worst nightmare I basically fell apart. Panic took over. I just couldn't stop crying or the icy cold feeling in my stomach from spreading. Looking at Morty and seeing his concern I knew I had to pull it together and deal. He has complete and total faith in my ability to take care of him so that's what I am doing. I've been on the net done my research: he's now on a raw food diet and is getting supplements that inhibit tumor growth and strengthen his immune system. Of course raw meat translates to heaven on earth for a wolf dog! And he's responding, incredibly well actually. He's gained weight, his coat is shinier than ever and I swear the tumor hasn't grown may even have shrunk. How I wish I had known about the amazing benefits of a natural diet years ago. I waffle between hope for remission, stopping the cancer (!) after all Morty has helped me cheat death before and the dread that it will slowly take its course and it will be up to me to make sure he doesn't suffer. He is on metacam, an anti-inflammatory so in no discomfort that I can discern, still super playful and full of energy so I am grateful for the present moment and reminded that it's all we ever really have - need to stay calm, right here, right NOW.