Lessons from Morty Wolf Dog

This blog is about the amazing adventures of Morty Wolf Dog:
how he changed and enriched my life; even showed me a better way to live and to be;
all of which I didn't really get until his bone cancer diagnosis pulled the rug out from under my feet.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

I can't imagine not keeping Kime

I have to tell the rescue organization whether I'm Kime's forever home or not by Monday. She's been with me since Friday - a week tomorrow - and it has already been an amazing journey. She's gone from terror to contentment and has learned so much already. Today when I came home from school I found these items in Kime's bed - they were in the bathroom on the counter a few metres away. Her toys don't interest her at all. I hope she's not too lonely - it makes me wish I could foster another dog to keep her company - now that's an idea...

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The harness was a must. Ki Me has strong reactions to lots of things outside and her go to behaviour is wriggle free and run. She used her paws to take her collar off in a moment of panic and when on the street is always ready to bolt. Best walk time is after 10 pm - we make our way down a some what quiet street to the park with huge fenced in baseball diamond with trees close to the tracks. She relaxes here most and already had a brief play with another rescue, Lex, a hound dog from Louisiana. Walking home next to another dog seemed to calm her down a lot but there were still several angst ridden moments and uncertainties on the way. She's shown some signs of playfulness at home today too - no interest in Morty's toys but she likes to grab socks and slippers. Also starting to come when I call her to give her liver treats. She ran around the back yard this morning too and a little bit at the park too. Her first day alone in the kitchen for awhile seems to have been fine and she walked into the house for the first time without me carrying her up the porch steps this evening. She's changing and adapting so fast. She so smart and definitely happier.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Kime (pronounced Kee Mae) arrived today. She's a rescue from St. Marten.


This is Kime on her way to my house in the rescue lady's car. I have been missing the great wolf dog a lot - the fourth anniversary of his passing is coming up and I had been putting tobacco down and talking to him a lot when a friend sent me Kime's photo. She is maybe 1 or 2 years old and was flown in four days ago from St. Marten where she was living as a stray. She had been rounded up along with 80 other dogs and placed into a shelter where she was living in an outdoor run with 30 other dogs. She needed a foster home or would have been placed in a kennel. I thought fostering would be a good way to honour Morty. He gave me so much. So I do this in the spirit of gratitude and service.  Given what Kime has been through she's pretty calm inside. This is only the second house she has ever been in and  being indoors is an adventure: lots of things freak her out stairs, mirrors, electric toothbrushes even dog toys. She did not accept a treat for hours and would not eat any food until very late last night. She takes one mouthful runs back to the bedroom and jumps on the bed to eat it, then back for another one and so on… She's clearly always had to grab food and run. She's a timid little girl so was probably pretty far down the pack hierarchy in the mass shelter she was in. 


She woke up playful today which was so beautiful to see, rolled over on her back in my bed and did the wiggly thing with her paws stretched out. Also she is very tentatively playing with one of Morty's old toys although she prefers her reflection in the mirror who she has stopped growling at now and just wants to play with.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

May 25, 2010 at 2:00 pm

Undo it, take it back, make every day the previous one until I am returned to the day before the one that made you gone. Or set me on a airplane traveling west, crossing the date line again and again, losing this day, then that, until the day of loss still lies ahead, and you are here instead of sorrow.

Nessa Rapoport, A Woman's Book of Grieving

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Macbeth's Poison is Morty's Friend

Deadly Nightshade or Atropa Belladonna is a herbaceous perennial of many uses. It can be quite toxic as employed by Macbeth to kill the troops of Harold Harefoot King of England or Livia who did in Augustus, her Emperor husband in this way (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atropa_belladonna). As a recreational drug it apparently produces vivid hallucinations and delirium but in a diluted form it has healing properties and is effective in stopping acute pain. That's been my observation with Morty these past days. It has been a rough couple of weeks as Morty's cancer had a growth spurt around the beginning of January and actually broke through the gum in his jaw forming a fast growing tumor where the abscessed teeth he had pulled in November used to be.


Chondro Sarcoma: Warning Graphic Imagery

His anti-inflammatory medication (metacam) was no longer keeping him comfortable as exhibited by head shaking / rubbing and intense belabored panting, so tramadol, an opioid was prescribed in addition. It helps but is also not great for the liver especially in combination with the diuretic he already gets because of his enlarged heart.

Luckily i found The Healing Place http://www.healingplace.ca/ and Julie Anne Lee (with Morty in the photo below) who is allowing us to access her homeopathic clinic on a 'pay when you can' basis.
On our first visit, Julie and her team spent close to 2 hours with Morty and I: combed through his medical records of the past 11 and a half years and examined him from head to toe with the goal of developing a health plan that will a) keep him comfortable and pain free and b) put the cancer in remission i.e. shrink and stop the tumor from growing for as long as possible. The latter is a best case scenario, impossible to predict if it will work and if so how long it will last. I am hopeful but also aware as was pointed out that Morty's medical history indicates an auto-immune deficiency not uncommon in dogs who have experienced trauma and abuse at an early age. On top of that, according to our new friends' assessment of the biopsy report, the cancerous cells are multiplying rapidly with a high probability of metathesis. Looking at how fast the disease has progressed since diagnosis in mid-November that would give him about a month and a half before quality of life gives way to unbearable pain and suffering. Still i am hopeful and not ready to give up. Especially, since Morty's pain and discomfort have been significantly reduced thanks to the belladonna. It's wonderful to see him so calm and breathing with ease.

Taking it day by day we will try and reduce the meds that are hurting his kidney and liver as well as initiate homeopathic remedies to inhibit tumor growth. Remarkably, Morty does not appear heavily impacted by what is happening to his body. Apart from being somewhat more sensitive to noise and crowds he is his old self although he does seem most chilled at home. Yet when someone comes over he grabs his toys and invites the friend to play, wakes up eager for breakfast and is terribly excited when i prepare to leave the house and he knows he can come. And so i will follow suit and deal with his cancer in a way that does not take over every bit of space and time - we will keep having fun, visiting with old friends (Jeet Kei came by) and appreciating the beauty that surrounds us like today at Iona Beach.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

4 Days Without Food or Water


This is the earliest photo I have of Morty - I think it was taken in February of 1999 so about 6 months after we all moved into the 'Castle' in Vancouver's Downtown Eastside just beside Oppenheimer Park. The 'castle' was an older Victorian owned by a painter and creator of mosaics (Big Al). He had built a wall around his house and had plans to create a moat of sorts - every day he would dig up remarkable amounts of earth and carry it bucket for bucket to his truck (to be dumped surreptitiously at various constructions sites during the wee hours). Al was creating a basement (he could already almost stand under portions of the house and he was a big guy - 6 ft plus). He eventually wanted to reinforce the foundation with cement but never seemed to have the cash hence the increasing wobbliness of our home and some very disturbing shaking and shuddering whenever a truck passed by on Cordova.
Morty had come with Jeet Kei, my new roommate, an Asian hip hop artist I had met in Venice where I helped organize a conference 9 years earlier. They had been living in the same house - Morty in the basement suite with a deplorable human male - an alcoholic who alternated between dishing out beatings to his wife or Morty - Jeet Kei lived upstairs with his girlfriend who was planning a rescue action and looking for someone who could take care of a young wolf dog. The plot was preempted however when despicable guy moved out in a hurry. It so happened that Jeet Kei and his girlfriend were away for a week on the Sunshine Coast and returned home only to find their neighbors gone. At first they were dismayed to have missed their chance at rescuing Morty but they soon realized that a very hungry and thirsty wolf dog was still there - locked in the basement where he had been almost 4 days. I know that Morty will always be grateful to Jeet Kei for saving him. When we last saw him a few years ago, Morty would simply not stop kissing him. I'm grateful to Jeet Kei as well. He had been with Morty about 6 months when I came onto the scene and was incredibly gracious about letting him go. We stayed roommates for about a year and talked about shared custody arrangements should we go separate ways but essentially it was clear that Morty would go with me. I remember his apt description of the situation: "I think Morty knows that you need him more than I do". And need him I did. I was alone in a new city and back in a country I had left 18 years before. Morty was a handful and he kept me really busy and occupied while job searching and trying to build a new life. May be it was post traumatic stress or simply the terrible twos but Morty got in to a lot of trouble - he once bit a rottweiler in Stanley Park causing the irate owners to alert police. Fortunately, the responding officer seemed to know dogs and accepted my explanation (the rotti had invaded our territory by bounding across our beach towel on the grass in pursuit of his ball and Morty's had just nicked his ear to let him know - typical dog behaviour). we did receive a severe warning, however, that Morty was now registered with the pound and any other offenses could result in his being deemed vicious and locked away for a 21 day observation period (!).
I made it a point to move on quickly the next time Morty got into trouble. We were exploring the city with my closest friend from Germany when Morty discovered skateboarders and felt they needed to be stopped. He grabbed one in the calf before I could intervene and caused a nasty rip in some very expensive trousers - we coughed up a couple hundred bucks with no argument and hurried home before any numbers were exchanged.
Worst and final case was the older homeless woman close to home. She was wearing dark glasses and a hat that Morty attempted to remove before I could pull him off luckily before any harm was done. They actually did become friends eventually. He still doesn't like people who don't show their eyes but fortunately has never actually demonstrated his feelings on the matter again.
These incidents all happened within a couple of months and they stopped as quickly as they had occurred. I had visitors from Germany again and we drove over to the Island to see the sights. It was Morty's first trip and although he loved to ride in the car he was not happy in motels. I tried to leave him in the room only once - he almost came through the window after throwing himself at the door several times. I guess the experience with deplorable alcoholic beater guy had
left his mark and most indelibly with regards to separation. Morty does not like to be left alone and gets quite stressed at moves. Fortunately, he loves wheels and I do think it comes from that first road trip on Vancouver Island where he discovered that while we would change motel rooms every night, our car was always the same. To this day Morty would much rather stay in the car than at home. I think it's his safe place - a panic room of sorts - about a year ago, hours before a huge wind storm swept through the Okanagan Valley, Morty went to the van and just begged to get in. It was all I could do to convince him that we were safe in our apartment.
Morty is a survivor. He takes life as it comes and deals. I am most amazed at how few scars he bears from the hardship of his early years. He seems to have a never ending supply of love and gratitude for any little thing I do for him - be it food which he lives for, a walk or me just waking up in the morning and saying hello. Someone told me that a wonderful thing about dogs is that they never cease to make you smile at least 3, 4 times a day. This is definitely true.
The best part of that trip to the Island was Morty's discovery of the ocean. He just couldn't get enough and played in the wild waters of Long Beach for hours and ran with other dogs. When we returned to the city he was calmer and more relaxed. Jeet Kei called it his coming of age journey. It was the first of many road trips to come.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Cheating Death

Morty has always loved water and never hesitates to jump right into streams, rivers, lakes and the ocean. I too have always gravitated to water and wasn't surprised when an Okanagan elder told me "water is your helper - it's where you feel safe". It seems fitting that we would be back on the coast now - it's where Morty is from and full of memories of his early adventurous years. We have been revisiting some of our fave places and ended up at Renfrew Park the other day. We lived close by there just before we left Vancouver for Toronto and walked among the cedars in the little gully almost every day. We also had one of the most terrifying experiences of my life there. There's a beautiful little stream that winds through the park and Morty always jumped in to cool off. Not usually a problem but the evening before we started our road trip to Toronto it was pouring and the quiet waterway was more like a raging torrent. Despite the rain and near darkness I had come determined to take a moment to say goodbye, lingering by the water. And Morty too it seemed wanted a last dip. He jumped in as usual but only moments passed before he was overcome by the current and swept downstream to the grate covering the culvert that leads underground and eventually to the ocean floor. Branches and leaves prevented him from going through the bars but his head was under water and although he was fighting hard he just kept going under. Not thinking and completely underestimating the strength of the current I too jumped in and was knocked off my feet in seconds. Unlike Morty I smashed through the brush and was being sucked through the grate, completely submerged with only my elbows keeping me from being swept away. I'll never forget the terror and surprise that overcame me - I wondered if Morty was still keeping his head up but couldn't even get mine above water to see. I felt panic overcome me - my cap was swept away and I thought no one will ever know where I went - my partner, friends coming to say goodbye and help finish packing for the movers .... my body just went cold and I pictured death by drowning. Then I remembered those words "the water is your helper" and everything slowed down, I had the most intense moment of clarity and just knew that above all I had to be calm: my elbows were still keeping me from being swept through the bars, the water was churning all around my head but I knew what I had to do. It was simple and easy: I gripped the bars with my hands and began to pull myself upwards. It was scary as it meant that now all of me was on the wrong side of the bars but as soon as I had got above the water level it became easier and I was able to swing my body up through and lay down on the bars. Morty was at my feet and I used them to hoist him onto my stomach. We just laid there it seemed for hours catching our breath as the water continued to rush by beneath us. Morty's eyes never left mine - he was totally calm, patient not moving a muscle and his trust was complete. He had absolutely no doubt that we were safe. I was going to save us. I still wasn't so sure, was afraid of losing my balance and Morty to the wrong side of the bars. I had no idea what to do next. Yelling and shouting for help proved useless as my voice was barely audible over the water and it was pouring rain - not lots of people out for a walk.... The thought of spending the night freezing on our precarious perch was too much so I decided that once we were rested we'd simply climb out and that's what we did. It it was just a matter of helping Morty scramble up the concrete wall and climbing out after him. Really just about overcoming fear and doing what needed to be done.
The past weeks I've tried to apply this lesson. When the vet called with the biopsy results and my worst nightmare I basically fell apart. Panic took over. I just couldn't stop crying or the icy cold feeling in my stomach from spreading. Looking at Morty and seeing his concern I knew I had to pull it together and deal. He has complete and total faith in my ability to take care of him so that's what I am doing. I've been on the net done my research: he's now on a raw food diet and is getting supplements that inhibit tumor growth and strengthen his immune system. Of course raw meat translates to heaven on earth for a wolf dog! And he's responding, incredibly well actually. He's gained weight, his coat is shinier than ever and I swear the tumor hasn't grown may even have shrunk. How I wish I had known about the amazing benefits of a natural diet years ago. I waffle between hope for remission, stopping the cancer (!) after all Morty has helped me cheat death before and the dread that it will slowly take its course and it will be up to me to make sure he doesn't suffer. He is on metacam, an anti-inflammatory so in no discomfort that I can discern, still super playful and full of energy so I am grateful for the present moment and reminded that it's all we ever really have - need to stay calm, right here, right NOW.